11 Weeks

It's now 11 weeks since dad was taken to hospital and mum had to go into the care home. They still haven't seen each other since and the longer time goes on the more worried I am about how he'll react seeing her and how she'll react seeing him - and that's even if she remembers who he is.

My wife and I have seen that her condition has gone downhill pretty fast. She's clearly not the same woman dad knows or will remember being back in November. Dementia is taking away my mum and it's a difficult thing to witness. More and more often now she speaks in Thai and doesn't use English. At some point this may be another thing that she loses - the ability to communicate with us and the carers. She can no longer read or write. And I've seen how she often reaches out or tries to move things that aren't there - a certain sign of her mind deteriorating.

I had called ahead before today's visit to see how she had been in these last few days, and the report wasn't good. She had been crying and wailing again, and aggressive towards the staff and other residents, and also doing things like emptying the bins in the day room and moving furniture around. As usual, that same sense of dread and anxiety takes over me when I enter the building and go through to the area where she now 'lives'.

I do feel guilty about not having spent much time with her during our visits. I do pop in to see her during my lunch breaks from work, but cannot stay longer than 30 minutes. After work is often difficult with our lad's night time routine and how difficult it has been lately getting him to eat anything and then settle down for the nights. Visits on the weekends can be awkward too as our lad is often restless and needs attention (feeds and nappy changes).

We did however manage a smile and a laugh today. It meant I could leave her in a happy mood and the staff could get on with preparing the lunches without too much drama. What I do intend to do soon is spend a good few hours with her, instead of 30 minutes here and 45 minutes there. This will allow me to see how my presence might affect her mood and how the staff go about providing the care they're meant to.

I also had some good news today from the Continuing Care team. The report from the assessment has been written up and will be sent on to CCG as a priority, but we've no idea how long things will take before the panel make any decision. The local council social services are also waiting on this decision before a discharge plan can be made.

I like the fact that the lady from the Continuing Care team was conscious of my own well being given the amount of stress and anxiety we've been under these last 11 weeks. She mentioned how that if mum were to go somewhere that provided better specialist care, that I may feel more relaxed and less anxious about things, at which point I might even become ill myself due to the weight of the worry taking a turn. I have lost a fair bit of weight and suffered a stomach bug recently, but I feel pretty well in myself at the moment. Work and daily life still goes on.