A Tortured Soul

I feel pretty drained right now. I have felt very anxious all day waiting for the time to come to visit the care home to be present at an assessment for mum. It was intended that it be the first time mum and dad would see each other since he had the attack (a whopping 8 weeks ago), but it didn't quite happen on this occasion and probably best that it didn't, even though dad would have liked to see her. Given the recent condition she's been in, it perhaps would not have been a good idea.

I don't feel any relief from the meeting as there are still quite a few things that need to happen. There were a bunch of different people present, which I was encouraged about. That and the fact that they all want what's best for mum, for my dad, and for the current residents and staff.

There was a district nurse from the Continuing Care team. She advised that based on the notes she had already reviewed, she understood that a full assessment was required as opposed to whatever other lesser-degree assessment is normally given. She led the meeting and took lots of details that she needs to write up a report on before sending it to 'the panel', who if I understand correctly, give the yay or nay about what next steps we can or cannot proceed with in terms of mum's care.

There was the lady from social services that I have been in contact with regularly over the past 8 weeks. She is key in getting extensions of stay and appropriate funding and other approvals from the council. It was very nice to finally meet her.

There was a chap who was a mental health social worker, although I'm not entirely sure what team or department he was from, but provided a thorough and useful report to the other people present after having spent an afternoon with mum very recently.

And of course there was the Senior Care Worker and Assistant Manager from the care home, who provided everyone with the key information and feedback that was so important for the report, which will in turn affect how things pan out from here.

The key issue is that the care home can't cope.

It was not a pleasant experience having to sit through some of the things they had to report about mum. I had known about them to a degree but to have to have someone need to write up on it is another thing. I'm glad dad is hard of hearing as it would not have been good for him to know all of what was being discussed about mum's behaviour.

The assessment followed 11 categories that we needed to work though. These included Behaviour, Cognition, Psychological and Emotional Needs, Communication, Mobility, Nutrition (Food and Drink), Continence, Skin (including tissue viability), Breathing, Drug Therapies and Medication (Symptom Control) and Altered States of Consciousness (ASC).

At each stage, different aspects of mum's care requirements were brought to light and built up a picture of the requirements that should be suggested going forward. What is next is out of my hands. I'm very conscious of mum's own safety and those of the other residents and the staff there - they simply can't cope but will have to carry on as best they can until any decision is made to move her to another facility or for the care home to receive extra help.

All in all though this is likely to mean mum will stay put for at least another month. If things get so bad that something drastic happens as a result of mum's behaviour... well, I really don't know what is suppose to happen. All that anyone can do now is carry on as they have done and wait.

As I say, I did feel encouraged about the fact that so many people had come together with the common goal of doing what's best for her. The care home assistant manager had commented how mum was a tortured soul, and that the whole thing is very sad, as they know themselves just as I know that mum is a very cheerful and affectionate lady. It's just proof of how horrid this dementia thing is.