Week 3

I feel exhausted today.

It's now three weeks since dad had his heart/angina attack and since mum went into the care home where she still is. It is three weeks that they have been separated from each other - something which fills me with sorrow like nothing else.

Thinking back to that Tuesday morning 3 weeks ago, dad was being tended to by paramedics and mum was sat in her usual spot on the settee near the window wondering what was going on. The last they will have saw of each other since was when dad was in a chair being carried out the front door and into the ambulance.

I must admit being in a bit of a mess those first few days. I really didn't know what I could do. Since then, it's only been a matter of waiting and letting things take their own course. Right now though I still don't know what should happen in the coming weeks but at least things have made some progress.

My dad had a heart bypass operation yesterday. We saw him on Sunday and it was a terrible feeling when we left. You can imagine what he must have been thinking - that it might be the last time he saw any of us again. My wife was upset and my Aunt (his older sister) was trying to keep composed, but I knew she wanted to make a quick exit to avoid making things worse than they were. I imagine my father trying his best to keep calm while making his way back to the ward - back indoors where he's spent the last 3 weeks, not being able to see or talk to us often and of course not seeing his wife at all.

And all the while, mum is miles away in the care home wondering why she's there and when she'll be going home. Not understanding that dad is sick and isn't able to see her. It's true - she does remember now and then and does (according to the staff there) ask about him often.

Let's not forget that my wife and I are still being kept awake at night by our 7 month old baby boy. It's funny how that has been such a struggle for us at times, despite him being a beautiful healthy boy for the most part. I guess you just get used to it and adapt to the situation. But we really could have done without having to juggle mum being in a care home and dad being stuck in hospitals for weeks at a time.

My wife has been my rock throughout all this. I might not say it or she might not feel the sentiment, but it makes me feel truly lucky to have by my side while I've struggled to make sense of what's going on. It's just been a stressful few years for us and all this comes at a sensitive time - we have 2 years ago on our minds, which is something we shouldn't forget about. Despite the family problems, we are at a time when we are reflecting on what could have been, and the desperate time we faced 2 years ago with the first pregnancy.

Ahead of us now is thinking about dad's rest and recovery. This poses some challenges as he's not allowed to be discharged and go home unless there is someone around to keep an eye on him. He won't be in any fit state to look after mum and mum can't do anything to help him. So, we rely on the local council and social service to help with care in the community. It's something I'm dreading. But the sooner dad can get better, the sooner mum can get home again, and the sooner they can both get on with their lives.

Sadly though, the fact is that mum's condition won't get any better.