The Positives

There are some positives to be had from what has happened over the past few weeks. What has been missing thus far of course is a full and proper assessment of mum's condition. Whatever help has been provided has only been on the basis of hearing what dad has had to say and by answering questions and filling a bunch of forms for people. Up until 3 weeks ago, no-one has been able to spend a significant amount of time with mum to understand things better.

What is quite apparent now:

• The social services team and individual support workers at the local council could not have properly understood the extent of mum's condition from their visits at home in mum's own environment. An hour or two in their company isn't enough.

• The cognitive impairment and dementia services team from the hospital would not have been able to understand the issues either from answering questions and taking notes on a piece of paper during their visits and assessments. Going in for an appointment and answering questions isn't enough for them to understand how things are. I went to one of these sessions and they could not have had a proper understanding of their requirements.

• Even my parents' GP would not have been able to understand the full scale of it. My dad can tell them the struggles he's had and how challenging it is looking after her, while mum would likely sit their cheerily not understanding what is being said. The GP would only be able to act in their best interests based on snippets of information.

It is the staff at the care home that have now had three weeks to understand the scope and extent of mum's condition, and of course what my dad has had to put up with for a long time now.

They are on the front line, hands on, 24 hours with her. They know her habits and her quirks. They have fed her, washed her, dressed her and tried - with some difficulty it seems - to get her to sleep at night. They can see and understand how she communicates with them and with the other residents and exactly what challenges are faced by someone looking after her.

Surely if they - who are trained to look after such patients - find it difficult or challenging, how is my father supposed to cope on his own at home and in his condition?

So what is next? How can we make sure of this valuable hands-on experience at the care home to properly communicate the needs to social services, the GP and the mental health team, all of whom are involved?

As for my father - he has had his heart bypass operation, not an insignificant procedure, but is in capable hands. I spoke to him 24 hours after the procedure and it was both heart warming and heart breaking. He was groggy and in pain, but at least he could speak. And we will not be able to see him for a few days while he recovers in ICU.

But, the worse is over with and the positive to come out of this of course is that, with proper rest, recuperation and support going forward, he will hopefully have been given a new lease of life. We have the cardiology team to thank for this. What would we do without the NHS?

It has become very clear to me now that I need the support and observation of the care home in order for the proper authorities to understand the requirements and to get the help both my parents need. They are the key going forward.