Day Two

Yesterday morning I called into the care home to see how mum was doing. She had spent her first night there and I was worried about her sleeping habits (based on what dad had told me) and that she'd likely be up several times in the night to want to use the toilet - and finding herself alone and in an unfamiliar place.

They patched me through to what must have been the common area where she was chatting with the other residents. Even though she said she was OK and had lots of new friends, her voice gave away her true emotion - that she didn't understand where she was and why she was there. I told her that dad was in hospital and of course she wanted to see him. But it's just not possible. I wonder what she thinks when she's sitting there with the others, or sitting in her room doing nothing.

Whenever she is at home, in her usual place at the end of the settee nearest the window, she'd tell us that she's been in the garden or cleaned the bedrooms or done some thing or other. But she hasn't, of course. It's all in her mind. But at least this way, other people can properly assess her and see just how developed her condition is. We were told a couple of months ago that she has 'moderate dementia in Alzheimer's'. That would of course have been when she was fed, relaxed and in her own environment with dad. Now they're separated. On the telephone, she even asked me if I wanted to speak with dad - she didn't even realise where she was.

As for dad, well he has his own things to think about. The doctors have told him he'll need heart bypass surgery, and that it'll happen next week. So he'll be in for a good while yet. As a result, we've managed to extend my mum's stay in the care home. But it comes at a cost of course. It's crazy how these things are calculated but we're at the mercy of the system.

What scares me even more than dad having surgery is how mum is treated and how she copes being there. I know dad will have a positive outcome. I think we all just need to stay positive for everyone's sake.