I haven't been able to visit my mum in the care home for over a week now due to coming down with a chest cold. There's no way I could risk visiting and passing that on to her on to the other residents or staff, especially since she is so susceptible now to illnesses.
Thankfully though, my sister is back from a long break and has been able to visit and assist with feeding, bathing and changing her, so it's put my mind at ease a little. It's been particularly helpful since my lad has been ill himself (either he gave it to me or I gave it to him, but the poor bugger had a few bad nights spewing up all his milk and food after coughing so much). I've also got the joy of our house move looming close - the mortgage offer in place and exchange of contracts is next. After that, deciding on a completion date, all of which I'm both excited about and dreading entirely. It's been enough to have to juggle with our baby boy, dad's surgery, the other half's jury service, mum's care home arrangement, dealing with council and social services... 2016 has not been the best of years for us.
The last time I visited, mum was nowhere to be seen. As usual, that feeling of dread and anxiety comes over me whenever I arrive and punch in the security codes to get through the doors, but nowadays whatever state mum might be in I know how to react to it. First port of call is the first day room and she wasn't to be seen. One of the carers points me to the other room at the end of the corridor. I head up that way and she isn't there either. So I make my way past that room and down the corridor, looking into the open doors to see whether she's made herself comfortable in someone else's room, as she sometimes does. No sign of her there.
I ask the Deputy Manager and the two of us do the same things again - looking into each room, and calling out for her. No response. At this point I'm wondering where on Earth she's managed to hide herself away - under a bed, behind a wardrobe, maybe she's slumped on the floor somewhere out cold and no-one has found her? These things do go through your mind, and it's reasonable given that she's had two falls in recent months. Thankfully though we find her dozing off in a room with the door closed, quite comfortable on her own, having some peace and quiet. You can imagine my relief but goodness me, it didn't make a pleasant beginning to the visit.
Sadly, it really hit home just how thin and frail she looks. She still has a lot of strength in her, that can't be denied, but she is thin and gaunt and again, those eyes looks tired and confused and I can't imagine what might be going through her broken mind. It is a sad sight and a tragic vision of a woman who was so strong and full of energy. The best I could do was feed her some apple and banana while she continued to doze off in her chair. All I could do was sit there and be with her for a time. We can't talk about things even when she's awake and at least showing some sense of awareness. I guess it's just all slipping away.
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