It's a boy, mum
We are less than 3 weeks away from the due date. I'm getting more and more nervous but what I'm feeling can't compare to what my wife must be thinking and feeling.
Everything appears normal so far - we had the last of our scans recently so there will be no more checks now, besides a couple more midwife and GP visits scheduled. We have a car seat - very important - and some nursery furniture at home ready to receive our baby. All that remains is for us to wait and hope for the best.
I can't help thinking that had things went differently with the first pregnancy, our son would nearly be a year old already. My parents and my wife's parents and us as a family all would have been looking forward to his first birthday. But, these things happen and right now we have another chance and are gearing up for that life-changing moment when a new member of the family arrives.
People often say or tell us that we'd make great parents but deep down I think we both fear that we won't do a good job. We're told things will come naturally and that we'll get the hang of things, but how do we really know until the time comes? My wife admits herself that she can be a bit of a pessimist - she'll more likely think of the worse and what can go wrong. That doesn't mean she doesn't hope for the best of course but perhaps she's just too much of a 'worrier'. I'm concerned too that I won't be able to do the right thing or to look after my boy. Maybe we should stop overthinking it and just take it as it comes.
It's good that my parents are also in a good enough state to be around when the time comes. I'm already thinking about that moment when I call my father to tell him that his grandson has arrived, and to collect them and to take them both to the hospital to meet their grandchild. I am hoping this has a big positive effect on my mother. Perhaps it's that thing she needs to help her drag her out of that illness that's been holding her back for the last few years - something for her to focus on and think about. I'm sure that even in her condition she'll realise that we have a child and I'm hoping that she'll remember his name.
That is another thing we've been racking our brains over - a name. I didn't imagine how hard it is to think of a name for a child but we've managed to compile something of a short-list. I have the feeling that we won't actually decide on the name until he actually arrives.
My wife mentioned pointed out something the other day. Every time we mention to my mum that we're having a boy, she is ecstatic - she has of course forgotten that we already told her. This is probably one of the better things associated with her condition, if you could even say there was one. That being told some good news is something of a joyful experience for her every time she hears it.
It's just a matter of time now.
Monday, 23 March 2015
Monday, 16 March 2015
The Expectation and the Reality
The image in the mirror
A couple of weeks ago I read an article about dementia and I'm kicking myself for not keeping hold of it. It talked about ways of making things easier at home for sufferers and it made me think of the current living situation and day to day things my folks live with.
The article mentioned something about mirrors and how that might have an affect on dementia sufferers - specifically how they might envisage themselves as being younger than they are and being frightened or shocked by the image staring back at them in the mirror. The article suggested removing mirrors from around the house to tackle this particular issue.
So then I thought about the mirrors they have in the house. In their bedroom, opposite the bed are their wardrobes with mirrored doors. They do also have a large mirror in the bathroom of course. So these are two potential problem areas but I wonder how mum feels herself when she looks into them.
This has also got me thinking about the photos we've taken that I've shown her straight after. I do recall on a couple of occasions taking a photo her with my phone, or a photo of us together, and she has mentioned about how old she was. Perhaps this is evidence that she perhaps doesn't really how much she has aged and doesn't like seeing the photos we've just done.
This is really sad. My mum has always been photogenic - she loved taking pictures, and has the nicest smile and bright eyes. But some photos I've taken, especially when they're 'natural', off guard and un-posed you really can see the difference. Whenever she does smile, it really is the nicest thing.
The next time I visit my folks I might see how she manages herself in front of a mirror.
A couple of weeks ago I read an article about dementia and I'm kicking myself for not keeping hold of it. It talked about ways of making things easier at home for sufferers and it made me think of the current living situation and day to day things my folks live with.
The article mentioned something about mirrors and how that might have an affect on dementia sufferers - specifically how they might envisage themselves as being younger than they are and being frightened or shocked by the image staring back at them in the mirror. The article suggested removing mirrors from around the house to tackle this particular issue.
So then I thought about the mirrors they have in the house. In their bedroom, opposite the bed are their wardrobes with mirrored doors. They do also have a large mirror in the bathroom of course. So these are two potential problem areas but I wonder how mum feels herself when she looks into them.
This has also got me thinking about the photos we've taken that I've shown her straight after. I do recall on a couple of occasions taking a photo her with my phone, or a photo of us together, and she has mentioned about how old she was. Perhaps this is evidence that she perhaps doesn't really how much she has aged and doesn't like seeing the photos we've just done.
This is really sad. My mum has always been photogenic - she loved taking pictures, and has the nicest smile and bright eyes. But some photos I've taken, especially when they're 'natural', off guard and un-posed you really can see the difference. Whenever she does smile, it really is the nicest thing.
The next time I visit my folks I might see how she manages herself in front of a mirror.
Sunday, 1 March 2015
7 Weeks To Go... or Less?
The countdown
The closer we get to the due date, the more I'm beginning to worry myself about the whole thing. Since the start of the year my wife has undergone a number of scans and has had a whole lot of blood taken for tests. The gestational diabetes we are monitoring and things seem to be OK where that's concerned - the levels are not too high and her change in diet has meant she's actually lost a little bit of weight.
But, this in itself isn't such a good at this stage of the pregnancy - she is supposed to or expected to put on weight, especially in the final stages. Our baby is however growing quite well and in fact (according to the sonographer) appears to be a little ahead of its gestational age by a couple of weeks. This in turn means we're beginning to think whether our due date might actually be closer than we think.
So, my wife is losing weight, which isn't ideal, but our baby is bigger than expected at this stage, which isn't a bad thing really, and she needs to cut down on certain foods while trying to get more vitamins from others, which is difficult. There are so many things to think about!
I recently popped in to see my parents. I try to get there during the week a couple of times a month, as well as seeing them on the weekends. They were both in good spirits and I'm sure were glad to have someone visit. My mum was in the bathroom when I arrived. I heard the toilet flush and the water running in the sink, which I took as a good sign - even small things like this make all the difference at this stage in her illness. She might not be able to do any cleaning around the house or understands that the place might be getting messy (my father's eyesight is getting worse) but at least she manages to keep herself in decent enough condition and can use the toilet when she needs to.
I get the impression that mum thinks that my wife and I already have a child as she keeps asking to see her grandson, or how he is, or making little fun gestures. I keep telling her that he isn't here yet, but I wonder if she's thinking back to the not-too-distant past when we were pregnant for the first time. This makes me all the more desperate that things go well in the coming months, so that we can take our son to see my parents, and for them and my wife's family of course to see their grandchild.
My parents don't know that my wife and I visit a cemetery every so often, and leave flowers and like tea candles on a grave marked "101". We decided not to tell them as it's not something they should know about in their condition and at this time of their lives. We visited the other day and had noticed fresh earth had been dug up in the slot next to ours. Every time we see that, we know it's another baby that didn't make it for whatever reason, and that a parent or two or a family will have stood there at some point feeling as broken and lost as we did.
The closer we get to the due date, the more I'm beginning to worry myself about the whole thing. Since the start of the year my wife has undergone a number of scans and has had a whole lot of blood taken for tests. The gestational diabetes we are monitoring and things seem to be OK where that's concerned - the levels are not too high and her change in diet has meant she's actually lost a little bit of weight.
But, this in itself isn't such a good at this stage of the pregnancy - she is supposed to or expected to put on weight, especially in the final stages. Our baby is however growing quite well and in fact (according to the sonographer) appears to be a little ahead of its gestational age by a couple of weeks. This in turn means we're beginning to think whether our due date might actually be closer than we think.
So, my wife is losing weight, which isn't ideal, but our baby is bigger than expected at this stage, which isn't a bad thing really, and she needs to cut down on certain foods while trying to get more vitamins from others, which is difficult. There are so many things to think about!
I recently popped in to see my parents. I try to get there during the week a couple of times a month, as well as seeing them on the weekends. They were both in good spirits and I'm sure were glad to have someone visit. My mum was in the bathroom when I arrived. I heard the toilet flush and the water running in the sink, which I took as a good sign - even small things like this make all the difference at this stage in her illness. She might not be able to do any cleaning around the house or understands that the place might be getting messy (my father's eyesight is getting worse) but at least she manages to keep herself in decent enough condition and can use the toilet when she needs to.
I get the impression that mum thinks that my wife and I already have a child as she keeps asking to see her grandson, or how he is, or making little fun gestures. I keep telling her that he isn't here yet, but I wonder if she's thinking back to the not-too-distant past when we were pregnant for the first time. This makes me all the more desperate that things go well in the coming months, so that we can take our son to see my parents, and for them and my wife's family of course to see their grandchild.
My parents don't know that my wife and I visit a cemetery every so often, and leave flowers and like tea candles on a grave marked "101". We decided not to tell them as it's not something they should know about in their condition and at this time of their lives. We visited the other day and had noticed fresh earth had been dug up in the slot next to ours. Every time we see that, we know it's another baby that didn't make it for whatever reason, and that a parent or two or a family will have stood there at some point feeling as broken and lost as we did.
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