It's a year since my father had a heart-attack and my mum spent her first night in care. A whole year of being away from the comfort of her own home and familiar surroundings - I wonder if she still remembers the place at all. In fact, we've just about reached the point where she no longer knows who I am at first when I visit her.
Just like today, when I visited and fed her the evening meal: small sandwiches, fishcakes, spaghetti hoops and what I think was fruit-flavoured blancmange for dessert, finished up with a vitamin tablet and nutritional shake. Not the most appetising of meals but she always polishes off everything my sister I feed her when we're able to. She is not gaining any weight though.
A couple of times during my visits I do ask her who I am or whether she knows me. Today, like most visits nowadays she shakes her head and says she doesn't know. Sometimes I even wonder if she's mucking around and trying to pull my leg. I keep addressing her as mum, saying things like "It's cold outside today, mum" and "Did you sleep well last night, mum?" or "Are you feeling hungry, mum?". I don't think she understands the sentiment but when urged or prompted by the staff she says I'm her brother or her husband half the time before saying "It's my Stephen".
A lot has happened since my last blog post here. Moving home was as stressful as expected but we've settled in. Raising our baby boy (now nearly 19 months old today) hasn't got any easier. He's starting his tantrum stage and wanting to climb up on everything or pull things off tables and what not. Changing nappies is particularly difficult, especially when you're out - it's a real struggle with a kid who doesn't want to sit still when he's got poop all over his bum and needs cleaning up before putting a fresh nappy on.
We took part in the Alzheimer's Socity Chartiy Walk which was a lot of fun. It's amazing just how many people and their families are affected by dementia, and I came away from it feeling positive to have raised some money toward a good cause but sad to realise mum wouldn't have the foggiest idea what I might have done or why.
My father visited her this morning. It must have been hard for him, knowing it's a year since his health problems resulted in him having to live alone after the best part of 40 years. He has recovered well though after his triple heart bypass. It was only yesterday that he visited the cardiology team that had been seeing him for years now already for a check-up. His own health isn't getting any better though - his sight and hearing is failing him and it's just a matter of time too before he'll need some assistance. I thank my lucky stars that he, at 75 years of age now he still has his marbles and manages to be mobile, despite the problems with his eyes and ears as well as his heart.
Dad did comment positively on mum's appearance today, and I had seen it too. She was dressed in a blue mock shirt and jumper, trousers and was wearing socks, thank goodness. She was bright and alert and clean. Sadly though, despite the feeding and nutrionist help, underneath those baggy clothes she is pretty much a skeleton nowadays.
She still maintains her strength though. Delivering personal care is still a struggle for the staff and she still puts up a fight. I found it oddly funny that I had waited in the day room on one occasion recently while mum was being cleaned and dressed, and there was an advert playing on the radio: the narrator was selling something and said "Listen... what do you hear..." and on the radio there was silence for a couple of seconds, while right there in the room all anyone could hear was mum shouting and wailing in her room across the corridor.
Since my last post, we've also had another review. The Clinicial Commissionning Group had sent someone from social services to conduct another assessment for mum. I went with my sister and two of the senior members of staff were present too. The results came in at high or severe for the most part, and right now we await a response from the report put foward to the 'panel' to decide on funding. I'm hoping that mum continues to receive full funding, given her condition. I can't even imagine what would happen if she wasn't able to stay where she is, with the support given by the nursing home. She's been there a good 9 months now I think, and it's the only place she'll be able to call home, even if she does still, in her distressed moments, keep telling us she wants to go home.
I'm sure that this time last year, as I write this, we were getting ready to visit the residential home with mum's little bag of belongings, thinking it would only be a couple of weeks at the most. It was one of the most heart-wrenching moments of my life having to leave her there. I can't imagine how confused she must have been. It brings a lump to my throat to even think about it now, but goodness me, we had no idea what was in store for us.
